i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
