Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Randomize
