We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
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