I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize