I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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