Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
why do cheetos always look like penises
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
