Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
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