is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
