I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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