Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
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