do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Randomize
