I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
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