We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Randomize
