Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Randomize
