That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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