My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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