I hate all girls vehemently.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
