i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I think my moral compass just broke
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