so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
