Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
