Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
You're a waste of cheezeits
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
