can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Couch. On fire.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
