I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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