I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
