someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
