She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
