i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
