I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
