I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize