Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Randomize
