all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Randomize
