I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
