dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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