Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Randomize
