I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
After tacos, we're chasing women.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize