Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
