I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
