she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
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