went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
