Swine flu. Run for my life!
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
