4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
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