Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Randomize
