I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize