My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
