omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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