I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
he fucked my hip out of place.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
This is classic penis vs brain.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
