Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize
