sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
