I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
