you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
