i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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