Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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