I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
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