does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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