I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize