I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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