can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Randomize
