the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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