He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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