dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
