No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize