just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
