A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize