It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
