I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
