She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
